“It was like I never left the office,” a quivering first-year who chose to remain anonymous due to fear of Dr. not once, not twice, but every single day. Several traumatized victims testified that the doctor had barged into their quarters at the ungodly hour of 4 a.m. There was no shortage of victims willing to testify for the prosecution, though. After several hours of judicial bureaucracy, the doctor was removed from the stand and held in contempt. However, at each attempt, the doctor insisted the information was incorrect. When the morning of the trial arrived, the doctor refused to testify, demanding that the lawyers identify themselves by username and password. Due to the doctor’s uncanny ability to change their appearance seemingly at will, and therefore their ability to slip past monitoring systems, they were deemed a flight risk and detained in cells across the web. Chatbot was arrested and indicted on over 10,000 counts of malpractice. Chatbot was sued for a countless number of medical malpractice accusations. The University community collectively experienced this betrayal when our very own Dr. No betrayal hurts more than finding out that the moral integrity of your doctor has been compromised. She deserved better.There are few people in our lives we should trust more than those who oversee our medical care, especially in today’s pandemic engulfed world. I will say though, when it’s all finally over, I will miss the Doctor ChatBot with the ponytail. I’m ready for my Buffy the ChatBot Slayer arc. ChatBot” and the amount of times I think about garroting an unsuspecting passerby out of sheer infuriation have both skyrocketed after realizing these emails are still coming in.Ĭan’t this be laid to rest already? I implore you, O’ Tumultuous One who seeks to plague me with endless useless fodder, You who forces me to slog through Your shit, to just let me be free. The amount of times I see an email from UHS saying something about “hey girly, puh-leazeeeee fill out the Now Obsolete, May I Remind You? Dr. I feel my blood pressure rise with every notification. Why the FUCK are there more ChatBot emails in my inbox, huh? UHS is literally and figuratively up my ass on the daily (they say it’s for “health concerns”), and the additional midday spam makes my blood boil. And run they will, through your head, rent-fucking-free. The funny, quirky little thing about automated emails is that unless someone hits the pretty little button to stop them from running, they will run. I’m sure we all did - the prospect of one less email in your inbox to have to unceremoniously delete, and never having to see the diversity randomizer of the Doctors ChatBot looming over a web survey ever again? Imagine a bolt of pure heroin straight up your spine, and then remember that you’re too much of a wuss to actually do heroin but you saw that one “Euphoria” scene, so you basically know what that is, right? The potential of freedom from the cold, unwavering stare of those graphically-designed hellspawn? Come ON. ChatBot, I got this momentary taste of peace.
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